It's about 11:30 and I'm wide awake. I'm starting to think taking my mother to work every night is therapy. It forces me to drive better and it forces me to think fairly clearly in an hour when I don't like to operate with my conscious mind (if that makes any sense).
Today I chose to reach out to the Lion to say that its about that time we really move on from one another. As always he had to be dramatic about the entire situation. Tears and all. I don't mind a man showing emotion, I hate when it's all about the dramatics. You ever found that person that for whatever reason they use everything you have ever said to them against you, even subconsciously. I should say I hope subconsciously. I hope someone would never maliciously do such a thing. Needless to say it ended with me agreeing to one last meeting. Only to now sit and realize it will never happens. He has set me up for failure before I even make a move. No thank you.
Tonight I'm releasing a part of me, The needy part. The part that was so willing to give up who I was, that girl in the mirror. For who I wanted be or better yet the title that tells the world who I am. I can't wait for the day I am able to create my own family and simply show that what love is. In the meantime, I have a great family. A mother that loves me to death, a dad that is just that a respectable dad. A dog that would die for me (deep down I think its the treat he would die for but he knows he needs me for that treat:-)
I have to say for the first time in a long time I'm smiling in my heart. I understand more and more that I'm definitely that person that doesn't hear until she feels. And I have felt enough pain to know this isn't how I want to remain. I felt enough good and bad to understand what it is I need in life and decipher that from what I want in life. I'm not willing to give up everything that makes me, me simply for the pleasure the world say's I should treasure.
I rather be in awe of a rose that has fought its way out of a concrete than have admiration for a rose bush. It's not that the rose bush isn't beautiful (it's just I have allergies!!!-just kidding). The rose bush is in it's natural element, just as mother nature intended. The rose that has fought it's way through concrete has defied the restraints place on it by it's surrounding. It's beauty is not so much in what it is, but in how amazingly it over defied all odds and stands tall amongst so much nothing.........
That's me.. There is so much nothing on this earth. I mean everything is substantial in it's own way. But some people are simply taking up space. The choices I'm making about my life now will make me stand out in the. I won't be considered average and some may even question my internal beauty. But at the end of the day I'm being true to myself and I love it....
Today I promise to continue to live like that rose. I want to always go above and beyond the expectations that life has for me. I won't settle....Today I end the Journey for my Prince and start the Journey of my Blissfulness...
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