First let's start with my job. A great opportunity presented itself last week and I have decided to pass it up. Not because I don't think I'm qualified, but because I want to get the grounded experience that I initially came into this company for. Plus I like Nitro. More my style. Lol
Ohh before I forget, I'm getting better with keeping appointments. It may seem small but went to my girlfriends son's 1st bday party this Saturday and it was nice. Nice because I didn't disappoint anyone, bc I followed through with my word and bc I was able to share in such a monumental moment. I also lost my bank card on Saturday but you know what, didn't phase me this weekend @ all.
Sooo, on to juicy things. I'm learning A whole lot about myself. Now this may be one of my most personal tales that I will share. First thing I have grown to truly admire, shit LOVE intimacy. Not sex. Screw sex that's empty. I love a man that in that moment he pretends only u two exist. Meaning pleasure experienced is equal to pleasure shared. Well with that said I have experienced something recently that until this moment still amazes me. Oddly enough I was able to accomplish it myself, I'm officially a squirter. If your not familiar with the terminology, don't look it up. Lol. You may look at me funny or be intrigued and want to see. Either way I rather not. Lol. After a conversation with my LLL (long term lover-LMAO) I have been informed that I have always done this specific task. Now when I think of it I remember thinking I was urinating @ time. Lol. That sounds nasty when I say it and I'm sure he didn't think it was to funny as he heard it. But the good thing is it isn't what I thought it was. Lol I'M NORMAL! To make it even more intriguing I had a squirt-a-thon yesterday. Well that's what it felt like. Too funny one even shot by my shoulder, don't ask how. I just love the release.
You know what is weird, well not weird but in my thoughts..I think I may have exp'd this feeling b4. Not seeing the physical, but feeling the thrust that came with it. Funny thing, I did not have the same effect. Which leads me to my next thought. Could it be that when I experience things with LLL the exp is better, YES. He is exp'd, gentle and I love his body. Can't say he wasn't more cut 3 years ago but I still love it now. Ohh man.
Ok...now that I have finished sweating. Guess I can bring you up to speed with the rest of my life. Lol. The youngin is damn near on my last nerves. I won't say the normal there's nothing wrong with him bc there is. At least in my eyes there is. He just isn't what I need. Don't get me wrong I asked for someone w patience but not someone dead to me. Then to make it worse someone I can't trust for shit. Weird I guess. Kept him around for convenience not realizing it was just costing me. So now trying to just keep my distance. Its weird bc part of me really wouldn't mind, but I just don't trust this, I can't. I WON'T!
So where does this leave me. In a weird place to finish my Thesis in the next 3 months and just continue to be happy with myself. I have life, love (of self especially) and happiness. To ask for more in this world at this exact moment would make me selfish...
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