Monday, December 07, 2009
How interesting
How interesting is it to read the contract between my last two postings. I must have been pissed that day....:-)
I think
Soooooooooooo.....I think I found him. I know it's not fair because I didn't keep up with all my dates, but trust me some were meant to be forgotten. Just so you can get a taste, I gave my number to a Sicialian/Peruvian. This I thought would have been a wonderful mix. Stock broker, works for a very nice financial firm. Sounds good right, wellll...turns out he was nuts. Stood him up so that I can focus on getting this relationship (yes relationship, like monogamous relationship) off the ground. Boy text me over 100 times calling me every name in the book .Thank goodness he didn't know my car or where I live. Se la ve to the dating world and single laugh......Here's how the journey is going with my Prince.....
I am sure I had mentioned my "youngin" in at least one blog. We met over a year and a half ago. He was blocking my way in the street trying to tow a car illegally and i refused to squeeze through bc I had just purchased my car and really didn't know how to maneuver it that well. He said he would move the truck if I gave the number. As stupid as though sounded I said ok and gave the right number. Why, I don't know, honestly I think it was his eyes and his smile. The combination made me melt. Needless to say I couldn't focus on him at the time. I was too caught up in other stupid things. He became my lil friend. Good for loing and relaxation, didn't find too much pleasure in him sexually because I got everything else where and he was on that I don't' do this and that ordeal. I started school and we kinda drifted further apart. I would see him here and there and from time to time, but nothing really serious.
I think the change began to take place when he came back for Ja. He mentioned missing me and having something special to show me, when he came back but I really didn't take it to heart. Needless to say he came back and shortly after one night when we were chillin, he asked what my limits were. I will never forget that night. My limits (ummmm no bootyyyy..lol) that's my limit. He munched away...OMG it was as though the child never had this kind of delicatessen before..lol I loved it, but still didn't care for him.
You see the reason he is called "youngin" is obviously because he is younger, 4 years younger to be exact. But mentally he is right where I need him to be. My biggest concern was him always having friends around and being around friends and that is not even in question anymore. He is very mature and I can't ask for anything more than that. Gone are the days when i pull up to 10 dudes in the garage and I suck my teeth and drive away. But that was the extent of his immaturity that I would have not have been able to handle.
Back to him...So since I say April we (I) been trying to get rid of the extra baggage and I just couldn't shake it for a while. When I say extra baggage I am referring to Turtle and Lion..lol. They are so gone out of my life it is not funny and my goodness I didn't know what I was missing. It wasn't until around the summer that we really started to hang out a lot bc school was over classes at least by then. I remember the first time I kissed his bottom lip. His bottom lip is so soft. When he looks at you you feel like he can tell everything that is going on in your thoughts, like is directly trying to connect w ur heart . You feel like you can't even tell a white lie bc he knows. His smile makes me absolutely want to laugh even when I rather be upset. It's really contagious bc it's so gorgeous. He has a gentleness to him that I love. He respects me and compliments who I am. He listens and I know I can talk...but he never stops listening.........
Im so head over heels it's crazy. You know when you find yourself just thinking about them throughout the day. When you see him walk in front of your comp screen. Or can't wait to see if that next text message is from him. How about the way your about to text and he calls the office line. It's like how beautiful is it that I am thinking of you while you are thinking of me.
I think it was right after his bday that I knew I really wanted to just settle and this was IT (he may have decided that earlier but anyone who knows me, knows that this whole thing is a process for me). I no longer want to even think of another man because my prince is right here. It wasn't anything that was said per se, it was more so the actions of the day and the energy that was felt in our moment. He captivated me. He made me want to love and open myself to a man entirely. He takes care of me in so many ways and in return allows me to be there for him. He is willing to grow and never ever speaks down to me. We laugh, I have cried, we rest, we (eehhemmm..lol) but in it all it feels the same that I have what I have been waiting for all this time. My Prince....
I don't quite know how to explain this whole thing other than saying...I can't believe I'm growing in Love :-)
I am sure I had mentioned my "youngin" in at least one blog. We met over a year and a half ago. He was blocking my way in the street trying to tow a car illegally and i refused to squeeze through bc I had just purchased my car and really didn't know how to maneuver it that well. He said he would move the truck if I gave the number. As stupid as though sounded I said ok and gave the right number. Why, I don't know, honestly I think it was his eyes and his smile. The combination made me melt. Needless to say I couldn't focus on him at the time. I was too caught up in other stupid things. He became my lil friend. Good for loing and relaxation, didn't find too much pleasure in him sexually because I got everything else where and he was on that I don't' do this and that ordeal. I started school and we kinda drifted further apart. I would see him here and there and from time to time, but nothing really serious.
I think the change began to take place when he came back for Ja. He mentioned missing me and having something special to show me, when he came back but I really didn't take it to heart. Needless to say he came back and shortly after one night when we were chillin, he asked what my limits were. I will never forget that night. My limits (ummmm no bootyyyy..lol) that's my limit. He munched away...OMG it was as though the child never had this kind of delicatessen before..lol I loved it, but still didn't care for him.
You see the reason he is called "youngin" is obviously because he is younger, 4 years younger to be exact. But mentally he is right where I need him to be. My biggest concern was him always having friends around and being around friends and that is not even in question anymore. He is very mature and I can't ask for anything more than that. Gone are the days when i pull up to 10 dudes in the garage and I suck my teeth and drive away. But that was the extent of his immaturity that I would have not have been able to handle.
Back to him...So since I say April we (I) been trying to get rid of the extra baggage and I just couldn't shake it for a while. When I say extra baggage I am referring to Turtle and Lion..lol. They are so gone out of my life it is not funny and my goodness I didn't know what I was missing. It wasn't until around the summer that we really started to hang out a lot bc school was over classes at least by then. I remember the first time I kissed his bottom lip. His bottom lip is so soft. When he looks at you you feel like he can tell everything that is going on in your thoughts, like is directly trying to connect w ur heart . You feel like you can't even tell a white lie bc he knows. His smile makes me absolutely want to laugh even when I rather be upset. It's really contagious bc it's so gorgeous. He has a gentleness to him that I love. He respects me and compliments who I am. He listens and I know I can talk...but he never stops listening.........
Im so head over heels it's crazy. You know when you find yourself just thinking about them throughout the day. When you see him walk in front of your comp screen. Or can't wait to see if that next text message is from him. How about the way your about to text and he calls the office line. It's like how beautiful is it that I am thinking of you while you are thinking of me.
I think it was right after his bday that I knew I really wanted to just settle and this was IT (he may have decided that earlier but anyone who knows me, knows that this whole thing is a process for me). I no longer want to even think of another man because my prince is right here. It wasn't anything that was said per se, it was more so the actions of the day and the energy that was felt in our moment. He captivated me. He made me want to love and open myself to a man entirely. He takes care of me in so many ways and in return allows me to be there for him. He is willing to grow and never ever speaks down to me. We laugh, I have cried, we rest, we (eehhemmm..lol) but in it all it feels the same that I have what I have been waiting for all this time. My Prince....
I don't quite know how to explain this whole thing other than saying...I can't believe I'm growing in Love :-)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Youngin'
Ok so maybe about a year and a half ago I meet this young kid who at the time tells me he is 25. At the time I had to be 26 so I most likely didn't think twice about it. After I believe one or two visits I notice he hangs around a lot of lil boys. By lil boys I mean ur average 21 year old that likes to talk crap and lo all day. To make a long story short I kinda left him alone while dealing with my fire fighter ordeal and begab to chill again once classes were ending towards the end of the summer. During this time I have learned that he just turned 24 and I have learned that I have very very little patience.
See the thing about dating him is his mentality is still in a care free place. He has mature convo but then says some young dumb things. I don't believe he is seeking to go into the same direction as me and honestly doesn't make me feel loved. He only comforts me and not make me feel alone. But I'm not happy. I mean he is a good guy. Very respectful and ohh so nasty. Lol. But I want more. I want someone that shows affection and want to help with the blueprint of the future. It doesn't even have to be out future together it can just be helping one another w our own paths. Ughhh. IDK. All I know is I don't think I wanna raise no guy. I don't want to take the time out to mold him. I just wanna live and be happy. When will that guy come around?
See the thing about dating him is his mentality is still in a care free place. He has mature convo but then says some young dumb things. I don't believe he is seeking to go into the same direction as me and honestly doesn't make me feel loved. He only comforts me and not make me feel alone. But I'm not happy. I mean he is a good guy. Very respectful and ohh so nasty. Lol. But I want more. I want someone that shows affection and want to help with the blueprint of the future. It doesn't even have to be out future together it can just be helping one another w our own paths. Ughhh. IDK. All I know is I don't think I wanna raise no guy. I don't want to take the time out to mold him. I just wanna live and be happy. When will that guy come around?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Allow me to reintroduce myself...
Well well, a year later. A bit closer to 28, a month away to be exact and I am still searching for my prince charming. Wait, back it up a few words, I am patiently waiting for a man to add additional love in my life. Yup I'm greedy. Ok who am I kidding I want companionship and a family before I start getting too old (closer to 30 that is). That's a good thing, no?
I had to take a break this past year to complete work on my post graduate degree but found some time in between to do a lil soul searching. Through the process I have gained a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities. I have also noticed something that is a bit disturbing, but plays a big role in why I even have this blog in the first place. I have a fear of commitment and disspointment. Now no one likes either but I have really set up my life around those fears and in the process created a wall around myself. It began with my dad (which I won't get into bc I'm tired of hearing stories like this) I refuse to be dissapointed, but that also creates an environment that will produce a hermit. I am not at the hermit stage, but I do see the impact it has on my decisions in life. Since this is a new discovery, I can't honestly say its been conquered. I will say its been acknowledged, thoroughly examine and I make a conscious effort for it to not affect my relationships (with male or female, friend or foe).
Now I'm at a picky place in the selection process of men. I have learned that honesty is the best policy no matter what. It may not make everyone happy but it sure takes that load off ur chest. Your words need to align with ur actions at all times. And lastly Girth is great but a stiff tongue will make up for any and all short coming, heyyyyyyyyyyy:-)
I had to take a break this past year to complete work on my post graduate degree but found some time in between to do a lil soul searching. Through the process I have gained a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities. I have also noticed something that is a bit disturbing, but plays a big role in why I even have this blog in the first place. I have a fear of commitment and disspointment. Now no one likes either but I have really set up my life around those fears and in the process created a wall around myself. It began with my dad (which I won't get into bc I'm tired of hearing stories like this) I refuse to be dissapointed, but that also creates an environment that will produce a hermit. I am not at the hermit stage, but I do see the impact it has on my decisions in life. Since this is a new discovery, I can't honestly say its been conquered. I will say its been acknowledged, thoroughly examine and I make a conscious effort for it to not affect my relationships (with male or female, friend or foe).
Now I'm at a picky place in the selection process of men. I have learned that honesty is the best policy no matter what. It may not make everyone happy but it sure takes that load off ur chest. Your words need to align with ur actions at all times. And lastly Girth is great but a stiff tongue will make up for any and all short coming, heyyyyyyyyyyy:-)
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