Youngin'

Ok so maybe about a year and a half ago I meet this young kid who at the time tells me he is 25. At the time I had to be 26 so I most likely didn't think twice about it. After I believe one or two visits I notice he hangs around a lot of lil boys. By lil boys I mean ur average 21 year old that likes to talk crap and lo all day. To make a long story short I kinda left him alone while dealing with my fire fighter ordeal and begab to chill again once classes were ending towards the end of the summer. During this time I have learned that he just turned 24 and I have learned that I have very very little patience.

See the thing about dating him is his mentality is still in a care free place. He has mature convo but then says some young dumb things. I don't believe he is seeking to go into the same direction as me and honestly doesn't make me feel loved. He only comforts me and not make me feel alone. But I'm not happy. I mean he is a good guy. Very respectful and ohh so nasty. Lol. But I want more. I want someone that shows affection and want to help with the blueprint of the future. It doesn't even have to be out future together it can just be helping one another w our own paths. Ughhh. IDK. All I know is I don't think I wanna raise no guy. I don't want to take the time out to mold him. I just wanna live and be happy. When will that guy come around?

Allow me to reintroduce myself...

Well well, a year later. A bit closer to 28, a month away to be exact and I am still searching for my prince charming. Wait, back it up a few words, I am patiently waiting for a man to add additional love in my life. Yup I'm greedy. Ok who am I kidding I want companionship and a family before I start getting too old (closer to 30 that is). That's a good thing, no?

I had to take a break this past year to complete work on my post graduate degree but found some time in between to do a lil soul searching. Through the process I have gained a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities. I have also noticed something that is a bit disturbing, but plays a big role in why I even have this blog in the first place. I have a fear of commitment and disspointment. Now no one likes either but I have really set up my life around those fears and in the process created a wall around myself. It began with my dad (which I won't get into bc I'm tired of hearing stories like this) I refuse to be dissapointed, but that also creates an environment that will produce a hermit. I am not at the hermit stage, but I do see the impact it has on my decisions in life. Since this is a new discovery, I can't honestly say its been conquered. I will say its been acknowledged, thoroughly examine and I make a conscious effort for it to not affect my relationships (with male or female, friend or foe).

Now I'm at a picky place in the selection process of men. I have learned that honesty is the best policy no matter what. It may not make everyone happy but it sure takes that load off ur chest. Your words need to align with ur actions at all times. And lastly Girth is great but a stiff tongue will make up for any and all short coming, heyyyyyyyyyyy:-)

From Geek, to Sheek, to PERVERTED

Since the last post a lot has happened. First and foremost I am no longer 26, yeahhhh, I am now 27 (as if there was another age in which I can miraculously become, like 25..lol). And second the I realized that I may not be materialistic, but I am dickalistic (thank you c.b. for that one..lol) I love it. Not like a ho, but I really like the connection that comes with it. After last night however, I have learned that it's not just the dick at allllll, but the man behind the dick...allow me to elaborate....

I was on facebook just giving my daily thought and someone inquired about my status for the day. I think it reflected on change. I knew him from MS and HS. Very geeky, like nerdy to another level so yes geeky. Anyway he looked a lot less nerdy and has a very good job as a VP, of a networking company in Westchester so I said what the hell. We had conversations for about two days and decided to just meet up at good old Starbucks. That went very well. He seems like the perfect Bill Cosby kind of guy..lol

So we are sitting in the car and I notice he is super shy all of a sudden and then asks y I didn't give him a hug. I apologized for being so rude and gave him a hug. Wait lets back up for two seconds. Before the hug I caught him staring at at me. Now I understand men like to look but yuck to gawk after me. I felt like a piece of filet mignon...ewww. SO back to the hug. it was cool. Then came the kiss. That was nice. He kisses very well. Then he started to talk about how heavy his penis was. OMFG. Are you kidding me. Ok well I let it slide. We head back to my house and he stops on the way just to kiss again. Now he is all ohh I really think this is going to work out. I can't wait to just have you. Hold your horses there buddy, even I, miss I love penis is not that quick.

Anyway, we get to my house and he gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek. You know I gotta keep my game tight. No one get's to really kiss me in front of my house..lol. It will mess up my game..lol So I go upstairs and he text Are you as horny as me? I just didn't respond. WTF am I suppose to say. Truly I should have shut him down and be honest but I guess that's where I messed up. I didn't respond to the text. About an hour later he calls and starts talking, but wait, why I hear like he jerking off in the background. Then he starts to moan. Ohh it's over now. This dude is really feeling on himself. And has the nerve to say we need to get a place asap. I want you. Wait, one second...I don't know you...

After realalizing that changing the subject won't do anything, i just tell him im going to sleep. Now the morning comes and guess what I wake up to..Pictures of his man, only it's not little and it's super crooked....

What is this world coming to. How can I meet someone that is so educated but so perverted. Or is it that I have met my true scorpio match and dont' know what to do with it...nahh it's not that..