Ok so maybe about a year and a half ago I meet this young kid who at the time tells me he is 25. At the time I had to be 26 so I most likely didn't think twice about it. After I believe one or two visits I notice he hangs around a lot of lil boys. By lil boys I mean ur average 21 year old that likes to talk crap and lo all day. To make a long story short I kinda left him alone while dealing with my fire fighter ordeal and begab to chill again once classes were ending towards the end of the summer. During this time I have learned that he just turned 24 and I have learned that I have very very little patience.
See the thing about dating him is his mentality is still in a care free place. He has mature convo but then says some young dumb things. I don't believe he is seeking to go into the same direction as me and honestly doesn't make me feel loved. He only comforts me and not make me feel alone. But I'm not happy. I mean he is a good guy. Very respectful and ohh so nasty. Lol. But I want more. I want someone that shows affection and want to help with the blueprint of the future. It doesn't even have to be out future together it can just be helping one another w our own paths. Ughhh. IDK. All I know is I don't think I wanna raise no guy. I don't want to take the time out to mold him. I just wanna live and be happy. When will that guy come around?
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Allow me to reintroduce myself...
Well well, a year later. A bit closer to 28, a month away to be exact and I am still searching for my prince charming. Wait, back it up a few words, I am patiently waiting for a man to add additional love in my life. Yup I'm greedy. Ok who am I kidding I want companionship and a family before I start getting too old (closer to 30 that is). That's a good thing, no?
I had to take a break this past year to complete work on my post graduate degree but found some time in between to do a lil soul searching. Through the process I have gained a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities. I have also noticed something that is a bit disturbing, but plays a big role in why I even have this blog in the first place. I have a fear of commitment and disspointment. Now no one likes either but I have really set up my life around those fears and in the process created a wall around myself. It began with my dad (which I won't get into bc I'm tired of hearing stories like this) I refuse to be dissapointed, but that also creates an environment that will produce a hermit. I am not at the hermit stage, but I do see the impact it has on my decisions in life. Since this is a new discovery, I can't honestly say its been conquered. I will say its been acknowledged, thoroughly examine and I make a conscious effort for it to not affect my relationships (with male or female, friend or foe).
Now I'm at a picky place in the selection process of men. I have learned that honesty is the best policy no matter what. It may not make everyone happy but it sure takes that load off ur chest. Your words need to align with ur actions at all times. And lastly Girth is great but a stiff tongue will make up for any and all short coming, heyyyyyyyyyyy:-)
I had to take a break this past year to complete work on my post graduate degree but found some time in between to do a lil soul searching. Through the process I have gained a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities. I have also noticed something that is a bit disturbing, but plays a big role in why I even have this blog in the first place. I have a fear of commitment and disspointment. Now no one likes either but I have really set up my life around those fears and in the process created a wall around myself. It began with my dad (which I won't get into bc I'm tired of hearing stories like this) I refuse to be dissapointed, but that also creates an environment that will produce a hermit. I am not at the hermit stage, but I do see the impact it has on my decisions in life. Since this is a new discovery, I can't honestly say its been conquered. I will say its been acknowledged, thoroughly examine and I make a conscious effort for it to not affect my relationships (with male or female, friend or foe).
Now I'm at a picky place in the selection process of men. I have learned that honesty is the best policy no matter what. It may not make everyone happy but it sure takes that load off ur chest. Your words need to align with ur actions at all times. And lastly Girth is great but a stiff tongue will make up for any and all short coming, heyyyyyyyyyyy:-)
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